"Freely ye have received, freely give." - Matthew 10:8The following story is a creation story I heard from Robin Wall Kimmerer a Native American woman of the Potawatomi Nation. I may not be telling the story exactly as she does, but it is very close and then I will expand on what the story means to me about freely giving.
In the beginning there was the Sky Woman. She fell from the sky and held a bushel of sweetgrass in her hand. As she fell toward the ocean, she had no way to stop. The animals looked up and saw the Sky Woman falling and understood her plight. The geese flew together, making goose music as they pumped their wings up to meet the Sky Woman and broke her fall as she gently rested on their feathers. The geese flew down towards the water gently.
The geese could not hold her much longer so they called a meeting of all the animals to see what they could do to help the Sky Woman. A beautiful strong turtle rose to the surface of the water and offered its back for the Sky Woman to rest on. The animals knew that the Sky Woman needed land to live on. And they had heard that there was land at the bottom of the ocean. Once by one, many animals tried to swim to the bottom of the ocean to find the land for Sky Woman, and one by one, the animals could not reach it, and came back to the surface, out of breath. Then came the muskrat, the weakest of the swimmers but the strongest in heart and loyalty. The muskrat dove down into the ocean. He was gone a very long time.
After a very long time, the animals became very worried for the muskrat. Then there was a small stream of bubbles that rose to the surface with a limp muskrat body. The animals pulled the little limp body of the muskrat onto the turtles shell. He was dead, but in his little paw, he held a handful of mud. Muskrat had given his life for the Sky Woman, to find her home. Touched by the sacrifice of Muskrat, she took the mud from his paw and spread it on the turtle's back so she could stand on it. She was overwhelmed with the generosity and care of all the animals since she fell from the sky. Her deep gratitude spilling out of her, she began to dance with thanksgiving.
As the Sky Woman danced, the mud, dirt, and ground began to grow beneath her feet. The alchemy of all the gifts that were so freely given in combination with the gratitude of Sky Woman had created land beneath Sky Woman's feet expanding out in all directions! On this new ground, the Sky Woman shared what she had brought with her and planted the Sweetgrass, straight from her hand to the soil.
I am the Sky Woman, I fell from the Heavens. There are so many people who caught me gently, who kept me warm, fed me, gave me somewhere to stand, and somewhere I could begin to call home. They sacrifice time, money, and mental energy to help me grow. They gave these gifts freely. They did not give because I had deserved it or earned it, or even because they felt they had to. They loved me, for me. They didn't expect anything in return. They just gave because I was falling and needed a place to stand because I had worth to them just by my existence.
When a gift is freely given, it is very hard for me to accept and therefore also hard for me to trust. When I stay in this uncomfortable place, it feels like balancing on a slippery and muddy turtle shell bobbing in the ocean. It allows me a place to stand, but it still feels like I have no where else to go and it is shaky and slick at best. I fear it could be gone at any moment. When I don't accept the "free" part of the gift, I fear the moment I will disappoint them, use the gift too much, or need it too much, and I fail to hold the gift at all. The gifts given are powerful, and my ability to hold them feels small. However, it is in the combination of the freely given gifts AND the freely given gratitude that creates a place I can truly stand. I have to accept the gifts freely given through gratitude and celebrate them before I can really stand firm and hold them at all. It is in the gratitude that I find trust. And with the trust, I find solid ground.
I then have the opportunity to plant, grow, and share what I brought with me from Heaven: my heart, my care, my talents. I don't give back because I'm afraid I'll lose my freely given gifts. I don't share my heart because I am indebted to them. Freely given means there is no debt. I try to share what I have to offer simply because I want to be like them. You cannot pay someone back for a gift freely given. You can only freely invest in their gift and then give yourself. To give freely is to accept what is freely given. It is to be free with your gratitude and acceptance, and not limit it only to gifts I feel I deserve or earned. I want give gratitude freely.
Because of "The Fall," we needed the gifts to live, but no one was obligated to give them. They were given freely. The Atonement caught us from the fall and gives us a place to stand. A sacrifice was made to allow us to find Home. He gave the Ultimate gift, freely given. We cannot earn it. We cannot deserve it. We cannot pay Him back. Even if we could, it would be irrelevant, because it was FREELY given. That means that no one is keeping score. No one is counting how many times you messed up to see how much of the gift to take back. The Atonement was given freely.
If you get caught up in the deserving of it, you will remain on a slippery bobbing Turtle shell in the middle of the ocean. Our actions are being watched, but it is not for the purpose to see how much we have earned being saved, it is to see how much we are grateful and accept and want to be saved. In the end, I don't believe we will be at judgment day pleading to God to let us stay. I believe it will be Christ, pleading with us, to freely accept His gift, and choose to stay, want to stay.
Try accepting freely and feel the ground grow beneath your feet. THEN you can share what you came here to provide the world and others. We love Him because He first loved us. He is the reason for the hope within us. May we dance in gratitude as freely as the gift was given - with no stipulations about what we will accept. Gratitude in combination with the Atonement creates an alchemy: hope where there was despair, love where there was a stranger, confidence where there was fear, faith where there was doubt, strength where there was weakness, wisdom where there was stupidity, and truth where there was confusion. Repentance is that alchemy where grace (gifts freely given) meets gratitude and planting.
Consider this story my dance. As I wrote it, I felt the ground grow solid beneath my feet.
