We passed.
Not with flying colors. Just passed.
I am very happy. As we closed the Rehab Center doors, I could not help but squeal a bit, hug sugar and laugh as we both skipped back to the car. Cooing to Sugar, "GOOD GIRL, SUG. GOOD GIRL! WE DID IT!"
I call her Sug (Shoog) for a reason. The end of her name.
Is Gar.
There are three main ratings you can get when you leave this intense evaluation. One is what I was praying we would not get, "Not ready." Yay, we didn't get that one. The passing rating can either be "Predictable clearance" or "Complex Qualified." Each rating describes the type of facilities that the dog will be certified to enter by law. Predictable means a calm environment with few surprises and little to no risks. A complex rated facility could bring intense emotional outbursts from clients, unpredictable behaviors from clients, and potential for danger and difficult situations. I am glad we only passed with a rating of only predictable clearance, not complex. The latter rating is one that belongs alone to Gar.
I was not really thinking about Gar too much during the evaluation, though i brought her up to the evaluators every chance I got, bragging about my girl that could handle everything in the classiest of ways, mentioning that she is gone as of March. The emotion was not there however, I knew it would not help anyone. I had to be there for sugar. For they are quite different dogs and sugar deserved me to be all there with her during the stress of being evaluated on every front. She's never done this before. So I was there. Gar was in the back of my mind reminding me that I would deal with the emotion later...I would.
So, now I am. I'm just going to lay it all out. I feel happy and grateful. I feel loss. I feel proud. I feel thoughtful. I feel guilty. I feel love.
I cannot compare Sug to Gar. They are as different as their coats suggest, white and dark red. I do not judge Sug for who Gar is. I can't. I can't for so many reasons, but mostly because it's just not possible. However, I will reminisce on Gar's evaluations. She went through this training with me twice and got a complex rating both times. The judges could hardly believe this young 15 year old and a stocky red lab could handle anything they, quite literally, threw at them.
I remember that the first thing people noticed was her eyebrows. She talked with her eye-brows and she always had a lot to say about what was going on.
She taught me to be honest and yet appropriate about how I feel.
She met one lady and found the treat in her pocket right away. There are many ways to get to Gar's big heart. But one route is much faster, direct, and guaranteed - through her stomach.
She taught me to be so passionate about something that I can sense it in places others can't.
I remember when they had five different evaluators surrounding her, all petting her and talking to her to see how she would handle a crowd and lack of control and awareness to what is around her. One guy was behind her petting her and he grabbed her tail and yanked it good repeatedly. He was intentionally trying to get Gar to warn him by growling, snipping at, or retreating from him (therefore disqualifying us, but making sure that couldn't happen to a client in the future). But I was SO proud when she instinctively replied to the repeated yanking by calmly turning around to face him, sitting down so no one could yank her tail anymore, and offering him a paw, then looking to me to see if I approved of her decision. Her calm eyebrows spoke to him with a patient maturity as if to say, "excuse me sir, I don't believe we've met. Yanking my tail isn't really appropriate to me. Let's start off on a better paw." He shook her paw and laughed at her cleverness, respectful consideration, and automatic forgiveness, and yet her ability to make her own boundaries with what she was comfortable with.
Everything I've learned about boundaries and dealing with accidentally-offensive people, I learned from Gar first. She also taught me that the Master trusts me to make good decisions on my own when necessary. She taught me to be open to and ask for feedback, not get defensive.
I remember when they had the toys all over the floor and we had to walk through them from one orange cone to another and show that she could leave them alone if I told her to. That one wasn't even a challenge. She was smart enough to know what the cones meant. She knew the goal. Before we began, she looked at the things on the floor and turned her ears back to me. We were one. I knew exactly what she was saying. "Mom, I see a bunch of stuff they just put on the floor. What am I to do? Do I fetch them? Check em out? or do you even care? You don't seem to show any concern for what's concerning me. I just thought I'd bring them to your attention." I responded by an appreciative pat on the shoulder for her asking for my response and drawing my attention to the issue at hand for her. Then I said firmly, "Gar, Leave it. Let's go." Done. Let's go means go forward With me, attentive to my every move to learn our goal. She knew the goal was the cone. We got there together and she didn't even look at the toys on the ground.
Gar taught me that when I find myself in a confusing situation, all I have to do is pray to the Master, letting Him know my concerns. The Master may not explain the situation to me, but He will focus me on the goal and invite me to walk with Him, one step at a time so the confusion becomes irrelevant.
Gar taught me that sometimes people suffocate and drain others because there is something they need so desperately, that they feel the need to take it anyway they can for as long as they can. They don't believe what they need can be given, or that it will be there for long. Most importantly, they do not think they have that something in them already. Gar taught me that instead of getting angry, sometimes we just need to let them know that we can see them. And that sometimes we can GIVE best when we don't allow people to TAKE. She taught that sometimes what people need is an opportunity to give. Also, I learned that if we are in trouble, we ought to let someone know when we start to wheeze, long before we are choking and gasping for air.
I remember when the evaluator offered Gar a treat. She knew better than to take it without my permission. She had her eyes glued to that piece of kibble. She wanted it so bad. The evaluator didn't know there was a command for accepting treats so she tried to convince Gar to eat it. "Come on! Eat it! I got it for you!" Her ears flickered at her but ultimately were directed back to me. "Okay." I said and she gobbled it up faster than I think the lady was prepared for. She ate it and nosed me in appreciation then stared back at the lady for more, ears still folded back toward me.
Gar taught me that when something looks good and voices tell you it is good, it is tempting. But there is only one voice that I trust more than any other, my Master's voice. She also taught me that all good things come from the Master in the end, even if it comes from a different avenue. She taught me that the Master is to thank as much as the hand that fed. She taught me to always be listening for the Master's voice in all my contexts even when it seems safe enough without Him.
I remember on the drive home, she was glad the stress was over. She started out on the floor between my feet. Then a head on my lap. Then a head and an elbow. Then a whole leg with her head resting on it. Then two paws. Finally, I just couldn't resist. I said okay, and she climbed into my lap. Her tip of her tail twitched with contentment, and she nuzzled her nose into my neck and shoulder and took a deep sigh, licked her lips and swallowed, then closed her eyes.
She showed me that there is no safer or more peaceful place to be than in my Master's arms.
Gar teaches me a lot about how to be a good human to my Master because she was such a good dog to hers.
