Hold On

The Secret Garden is one of my very favorite stories, musicals, and movies. It has resonated with me since I was old enough to consciously relate to the world. Once again now, I am Mary. I need a place where I can draw the girl I mean to be, where I can see the people I like, where I can find myself,  where I can make plans and believe I can achieve them. I think this blog is one of the closest things to one of those places for me. It makes me homesick for heaven, this place. I just need a place.

The Girl I Mean To Be

I need a place where I can go,
Where I can whisper what I know,
Where I can whisper who I like
And where I go to see them.

I need a place where I can hide,
Where no one sees my life inside,
Where I can make my plans, and write them down
So I can read them.

A place where I can bid my heart be still
And it will mind me.
A place where I can go when I am lost,
And there I'll find me.

I need a place to spend the day,
Where no one says to go or stay,
Where I can take my pen and draw
The girl I mean to be.


So much of the time, I cannot be in that place I feel I need. I have to be in a place where things go "wrong." Where I can't see the people I like all the time, and sometimes never. Where people tell me to go away, or make me stay where I can't stand to be. Where my plans are shredded in front of me. Where harsh voices tell me that I am to blame for the pain and hurt around me even when it doesn't make sense. Where it is my fault. Where my heart couldn't care less if I beg it to be still. Where I often feel lost. Where the girl I mean to be is only a vague and aching memory.

I know it's not always like that, but it's hurts when it's like that at all and at any time. Thank you, Martha, for reminding me that the girl I mean to be is not going anywhere... it is the world and the harsh voices, not the girl I mean to be, that are bound to go away. I've got to finish what I've begun. The girl I mean to be will make it through with the help of angels and the people standing by. I can hear them say, "hold on."

I have a few people standing by me, and who are also hopefully holding onto me too, this song is from me to you, too. Hold on, Hold on.

Hold On


What you've got to do is
Finish what you have begun,
I don't know just how,
But it's not over 'til you've won!

When you see the storm is coming,
See the lightning part the skies,
It's too late to run-
There's terror in your eyes!
What you do then is remember
This old thing you heard me say:
"It's the storm, not you,
That's bound to blow away."

Hold on,
Hold on to someone standing by.
Hold on.
Don't even ask how long or why!
Child, hold on to what you know is true,
Hold on 'til you get through.
Child, oh child!
Hold on!

When you feel your heart is poundin',
Fear a devil's at your door.
There's no place to hide-
You're frozen to the floor!
What you do then is you force yourself
To wake up, and you say:
"It's this dream, not me,
that's bound to go away."

Hold on,
Hold on, the night will soon be by.
Hold on,
Until there's nothing left to try.
Child, hold on, There's angels on their way!
Hold on and hear them say,
"Child, oh child!"

And it doesn't even matter
If the danger and the doom
Come from up above or down below,
Or just come flying
At you from across the room!

When you see a man who's raging,
And he's jealous and he fears
That you've walked through walls
He's hid behind for years.
What you do then is you tell yourself to wait it out
And say it's this day, not me,
That's bound to go away.

Child, oh hold on.
It's this day, not you,
That's bound to go away!