BOO!

Happy Halloween! Hello snow!... wait, Hello snow?... Hello Snow!!!!

Here is my BYU Cougar Pumpkin. Mer, it's not really what I wanted to do. I miss my photoshop at home! But there you go, at least I carved something. There is the cougar on the right with Y mountain on the left with lightning striking it, cause I thought it might look cool.

Here is the morning after our first snow, a lot of it has already melted, but I love the mountains in the morning; the shaddowing is just perfect as I arrive at campus.

This is a close up. I love this mountain. I wish pictures could do the mountains justice. They are so larger than life that you just can't understand until you have felt yourself shrink to dust below them.




Here is the preface of the following video. Oh! The suspense!!! It's "killing" me!

There you go. Mara was the chosen one because she dissappeared and we didn't know where she was and it was snowing and she didn't answer her phone and we could only assume that she had become a snow-student.

Ok, gruesome I know, but I had the raspberry stuff and well, anyways...

The following is just something I wrote, Ode to Autumn even though the snow has stolen your spotlight that you so deserve. My favorite season, and yet it is the hardest season of life.

Autumn; A Change in the Color of Me

Sometimes, instead of drinking tea inside, trying desperately to warm a shivering soul, watching the world behind glass, I climb up the big old tree. The tree is mostly hidden from the view of most people, but yet, it seems to see all. Everyone thinks it is dead, but it is not. I feel much safer in in its creaking branches, in its arms, that sway in the slightest breeze than I do on the ground.

I allow myself to confide in it for a moment, telling it of the things of my heart. Then, I lean the side of my face against its soft white skin and try to listen with my heart. It huuummmMmMmMMMMMMs, and I can feel the vibrations start in my toes and cover me like a home-patched quilt; it is almost as if it was tucking me back into bed after a stormy night had sent quick and frightful footsteps to my mother's bedside. It wraps my heart up and sneaks up to my mind where it somehow turns into words that I can understand better.

The old tree does not say much, but never leaves me unfilled. "It will be alright," it hums. That is all I needed to feel. How did it know? I sit there for a while and let the warmth of its words sink into the reclusive corners of my soul, patiently coaxing them out of their seclusion. I feel a change in the color of me. Then, I let go, like its leaves, and accept my feet to the ground, and I walk. And I walk into the wind. For I am not a leaf: powerless and dead. I am alive. I am ALIVE!

If you have never heard the trees whisper and warm, the brook chat and babble, the stones humm humm shift, or the rain tap its feet to the dance of life, then I would say that you haven't learned how to listen quite yet but they have so much to say to save your life, not from death itself necessarily, but from a death within life.

At some point you have to learn to trust the ground to hold your feet there, to let go, and trust the wind not to carry you away. What better way to form trust than to share your soul, listen to, and keep sacred and precious the fragile souls you may normally trample under foot.

Welcome Autumn.

Past Several Months

So this post is not very artistic like my previous ones are. But, this is what I've been up to, well besides books and papers and headaches and crowded buses... so, this is the Good Stuff... I love you and miss you more than words can say... so I'm not even gonna try, just unimagine the unimaginable..

Okay, don't laugh because most of the pictures on this particular post are of dogs.... Just remember who this is. That picture was just a chance encounter of my beautiful dogs cuddling together.. isn't that precious? This was a coulple days before I left.

This was my first night away from my little Gar Gar, but I did not have to sleep alone. This is scout, my uncle's and aunt's dog. His breed is a Samoyed. So sweet.

Theses two good lookin dogs are poodle retriever mixes, brother and sister. You can obviously tell that they each took after one of their parents more than the other... They belong to the Coverstons. I've stayed with them for two weekends and these dogs are wonderful, very well-behaved. But they play hard together two. And they, with the help of my naughty guide dog puppy that I was puppy-sitting, are able to completely mutilate 3 soccer balls in 5 minutes!

This is Rosco. He is the protecter and antagonist, but the cutest in my opinion. A white golden withought the shedding... nearly perfect.

And this is Ella. SUPER sweet. Would rather be with the people more than the mutilated soccer ball. If someone gets in trouble, no matter the species, she comes to the one in distress and leans against them. Sweet girl.

Here is another picture of scout and me. I included it because I am NOT in my pjs and my hair is done, and it's just more flattering overall...

So this video is of mom and me riding uncle Steve's tandem bike, his pride and joy. Look at Steve's cute little laugh at the end. That is the best part. I watch it over and over again when I need a lift. He's so darn cute, I can't help but smile!

Here is a REALLY BIG LEAF that I found on campus. It is one and a half times the length of my awesome cowboy boots! It was cool. The trees are forever old!

This was my ride to campus everyday before it got so dark in the morning and before I discovered the 10 mins of extra sleep I can have by taking the bus. But it was gorgeous while it lasted.

This is Sugar, my absolute favorite Guide Dog Puppy in our group. She is so cute and sweet. Her only issue was barking at the door. Disclaimer: When I quote in this movie that Sugar is the sweetest puppy ever, I mean in the Guide Dog Club. Someone asked me "sweeter than Gar?" FALSE! No Dog in the WORLD is as sweet as Gar, so don't even go there... I meant only in the club... but she is a cutie. ;) ...Just so we all are on the same page.

This is our Halloween decor provided by my favorite wonderful Sulli and Mamma Amy and boys. :) Thank you!! The movie would not upload the beginning of the movie and it cuts it short at the end too. So you missed my introduction to myself and Jes, but at least you meet Mara. But if it doesn't show at all, let me know and I will e-mail it to you. Don't make fun of the movie. I'm such an idiot with a camera unless it's taking artistic pictures. HOWEVER, At least I didn't delete the live feed... Amy. ;) And also, excuse the dead rose thing; that was just awkward. ARGGHHH I HATE VIDEO TAPING AND TALKING TO MYSELF!!! so, the only reason it is up here is for you... Cause I love you and I know you would want to see it. By the way, the cute little Candy Corn Bear's name is "Cob". Someday, I will make a real legit Candy Corn Cob and it's gonna be awesome.

On the previous movie, Jes and I realized that we left out our favorite decoration... the spider. So, we gave him his own movie. We thought it appropriate to sing the song, but we didn't like how we sounded so, naturally, we played our invisible banjos in round instead, but.... the banjos don't work when the players are laughing for some reason.

Now that I have got my camera working, I can do more of this bloggy stuff when I have the time. So, I will email updates to let you know that I have added to it. LOVE YOU!!!!

Consider the Lillies

Okay, I know it's long, but it's insightful. If you need a lift, read it to the end. If you can't, that's fine, I didn't write it for you anyway! jk! ;)

Over the past several months, this evil little question keeps popping up. "Are you excited to go to BYU?" I know they all mean well but I heard this question to mean, "Are you excited to leave your family and great friends and little town that is so special and go to some huge university where most everyone is Mormon?" I used to frankly say, "No. I'm actually not." and try to let it lie with a nervous grin. I guess it isn't so much that the question makes me sad that I am leaving, as it is that the question ignores the fact that I am still here. The question feels as if it is theiving from my now and shoving my future in my face. I want to cry to my questioners, "I'M STILL HERE YA KNOW!!" I have done some serious pondering trying to find a different answer to this question and believe it because I know that to succeed I must have a desire with which to work from. I have a new answer: I will be excited to be there when I get there, for now, I am excited to be here and at home.

I have learned something special about peace this summer. Peace inside is not always consistent with peace outside, and in fact, they rarely coinside. Peace comes not just if there is happiness inside, but even in sadness. It comes when you are in harmony with whatever it is. If you are happy, you feel peace when you embrace the happiness. If you are sad, you can still feel peace if you allow yourself to be sad. The distress occurs in the friction and conflict of feelings; it comes in fighting with what is. I'm not saying that if you are sad you should wallow in it. I'm saying that you shouldn't give yourself a hard time for it; instead, let yourself be sad while being aware that it won't last forever and soon you will be happy again. And this last thought brings a new angle on faith, Faith that you will be happy again.

As I was thinking of many different feelings that are applicable with this theory, there was only one I found that wouldn't fit. Fear. Fear, i suppose, is the antithesis of peace. And I had been feeling a lot of this fear, which is what instigated the initial search for peace and the understanding of it in the first place. Then, it suddenly made sense to me, fear knocked on the door, faith answered, and there was nothing there. I needed faith that I would not be alone although I felt lonely, faith that I would soon make great friends although I am leaving so many, Faith that I will see them again although I will be far away for a while. If I have faith that everything has a season and that there will always be good things on the way, fear disappears, peace returns. I can still feel sad and lonely, but the knowlege that it won't be forever offers hope and peace. How do I know that sad times don't last forever, that joy will always return, that everything will work out perfectly in the end? Because when I believe it, I feel peace. In Galatians 5, it discusses the difference between the the flesh and the spirit and how to identify which is which. "Ye shall know them by their fruits, right?" Well Gal. 5:22 says, "the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperence." I think of how the adversary tries to disguise himself as many of these. But he cannot immitate peace.

That peace, noticably to others, radiates from my presence and touches others hearts. I don't say that boastfully, but humbly. It seems to light candles that give others permission to believe it too. Its such a scary thing to let go of what we think is supposed to be and just let things be the way they are, and how the Lord has meant them to be. We silly mortals think we know what perfection is.

Being at peace with my world creates a perfect atmosphere for accomodating the "live in the moment you are given" kind of living. I don't mean unorganized and unprepared. I just mean that while I am here, I am ALL here. If I were to be worried about BYU life, I would have a large portion of myself living elsewhere.... unknown future, and missing it here. I cannot afford to loose this time here. I am, instead, savoring the little moments of lego-building with my little boys, a wiggly blond one in my lap, my little sister reading to me out loud, joking around with my dad, walks in the evening with my mom, fuzzy dog ears on my chin at night, the deer in the backyard as the mist is rising in the morning, hugs from the everyday heros in my life, and the split second of awe and curiosity I feel as a meteor shower sends silver slivers across the sky.

I have learned to live this summer as I never have lived before. I don't want to miss a thing. I am at peace. Even though I only have a week left of this relaxing time, I refuse to spoil it with worries of tomorrow. 3 Nephi 13:34 "Take therefore no thought for the morrow, for the morrow will take thought for the things of itself." Consider the lillies. there is a whole lot of power in those three words, "consider the lillies." read 3 Nephi chapter 13 to learn more.

I will consider the lillies for now. When I arrive to BYU and my new life I will again strive to consider the lillies at all times. I will try to be ALL there and limit my time my mind spends here and what will be in the past. Because I won't be able to afford to loose that time there.

Consider the Lillies.

In Memory of Jake Gibbs

Jake Gibbs died of what appeared to be a heart attack during soccer practice at Fairview Middle School Wednesday, February 17, 2010. He was in eighth grade.

When a young one dies, the earth just seems to cry. The trees seem to droop a little and sun hits their skin differently as if simply brushing their rough cheeks instead of embracing them in warmth. The tall grass doesn't sway in the wind with as much purpose. It just kind of gets pushed around. The wind becomes angry and it swings punches left and right, leaving a stinging cold against shadowed faces. But there is a peace in the midst of all the darkness and sorrow and my heart is comfortable just soaking it all in.

I didn't know Jake Gibbs. I won't meet him till I die. I don't know anyone that knows Jake or his family very well. I can't console them or make sense of it for them. But I know the Earth pretty well and I've come to this memorial to console the soil and the trees and to calm the wind. The Earth shouldn't and couldn't just move on like nothing happened, but it must not die too, but live for him (a far greater thing). Somewhere Jake's footprint is still in the mud where it will stay until the next rainfall will drive it deeper into the heart of the Earth where it will stay forever.

I don't understand why some die so young. Lindsey, Levi, Sades,... and thousands more upon millions that I will never hear about. But I still care, and if this is the only thing I can do to help, I will do it with all my heart.

Welcome to our humble abode, the Iglondo!

We have used up 8 snow days of the planed 10 and have only gone to school for a full week once since Christmas Break. I don't know what we will all do when we actually have to go to school for 5 days in a row. We've been so spoiled and I love it!

With our snow days, Cini and I made an igloo. Don't let us fool you, there wasn't anything like Utah snow. A lot of it turned to rock hard ice or dry, nonpacking powder. We shoveled our long driveway, patio, and walkway and our neighbors' driveways and wheelbarowed (if that isn't a verb... it is now) all the snow to the back yard to have enought snow to make this "iglondo" as we call it (igloo condo). We had to add water to the snow in the wheelbarow and stir it around to turn it to slush before it was workable. Then the slush turned to ice over night and we took a hammer to it to hollow it out. Everything is melted but our igloo still stands! IT COMPLETELY ROCKS!!!!! Here is a tour!

Gar loved going in and out of the igloo when I was working with the hammer, but after a while, she gave me this look of "my butt is cold and the food is inside. What on earth are we doing in this icey doghouse when dinner is only an hour away?!" She loved being with me and vice versa but, I imagine it was a little chilly for her furry little tail! She's so cute! My little momma's girl! We built a separate room just for Gar so she could have her own cozy space while Cini and I hung out in the main room of the iglondo. Gar isn't spoiled at all.... ;) I really think she missed the snow as much as I did. She would find a nice fluffy patch to lie on and burry her nose in it then sneeze like the dickens! She'd get so excited from sneezing that she would laugh and run around in figure eights as fast as she could, making a point to slip and slide on the ice and, unfortunately, through muddy puddles!

Cini is a cutie too! I am thankful for Cini, my little spitfire of a sister. I have never been so close to Cini as I am now. We are the bestest friends a girl could ever have. We hardly ever fight and we go to eachother for everything. We made this igloo together as a special project and in the process constructed an even stronger relationship. I feel so bad for all the girls who don't have a sister to take care of and love, or who have one but fail to do so. Cini is so amazing at everything she does and she's does it with a smooth, classy "swaggar"! She is always smiling and forever loud whether the words mean anything or if it is just noises. She loves the sound of her voice which works nicely because mine doesn't come out much. She fills my silent, empty moments with joy. She is upbeat and happening and keeps me going while I feel low or stuck in the mud of life. And when we are both in a particularly awesome perky mood, it always seems to end with a dance party in the office till neither of us can sing or move anymore or until we collapse with overwhelming laughter. I love her more than she could possibly imagine. If anyone reads this who has a sister, find them and give em' a hug, tell them you love them, or call them up and let them know you were thinking about them. If you don't have one, adopt one. It means the world!

Peace Out Ya'll!

My Quilt!

Here is a Picture of my unfinished quilt. I love it! I call it my Van Gogh Starry Starry Night quilt. It's my first one but I don't think it is half so bad for a first go at it! I actually really like quilting. But it does take a long time, but what doesn't that is still worthwhile? Garcelle likes it too! I am currently working on a border that will contrast the fade from dark to light on the quilt and be instead, light to dark. It'll look cool. There will also be a strip of white inbetween the main quilt part and the border that will really bring out the stars. And gold corners to bring out the odd gold startips. I'm soooo excited! I am also working on another quilt, but that one is a sectret until it is finished... I'll tell about it when it is done. It's going to be a suprise for someone special. ;)

Today I am thankful for Felicia Warden. She is so much fun and just a good person to be around. In Government class, we study together, and she makes it so fun. We like to study in the hallway the best. We have decided that there is an added feeling of freedom out in the hallway when everyone else is locked up in classrooms. We laugh about disssssssenting opinions and often about nothing. Felicia is super sweet and enthusiastic. I like to hang out with her like we did at lunch today.

Closer and Closer to the Unknown

Well, I am getting closer and closer to that day when I will be gone from here and leave yet again a piece of my heart here in Tennessee. I got a letter inviting me to institute in Logan today. I now find myself second guessing if I am really makingthe right choice to go to BYU. I really REALLY LOVE Logan! But I have got to be near my grandma, so that is one of the reasons I chose BYU. I didn't even apply to USU because I didn't want to provide myself with choices and internal conflict. I guess that plan failed!

The art program at BYU is SO competetive and I'm lacking in instruction. I may be considered an okay artist here in this small town, but to BYU standards, I'm goop! I don't know if I can make it in! There is so much to do I am just overwhelmed! I am trying to get a portfolio put together for an AP test, but because my school doesn't offer an AP or studio art class, I don't really know what to do! I need a critic and someone to help me get it all together. whew!

Nextly, my dog. My sweet little lab, Garcelle. She is coming with me. I just don't know where she is going to stay. That is kind of important. I won't go without her! So, this will have to work out someway.

Alright, on a more positive and sure note, I am so excited to be with my mountains again. I miss my family, my grandma especially, and my best friends that have shown themselves as I have been gone. Then I can finally be there for my friends like Sarah. It's killed me being so far away when I was needed.

Now if I could just take my people here with me to there. Then I would know that I will have died and gone to heaven.

Today's story is about Mrs. Hemmerly. I am thankful for "Maddy May" today. (short for "Maddness and mayhem") She is "the funniest thing since sliced bread!" She is so real and honest that I sometimes wonder if she is real, and she says she does occationally too! Even though she is a "baby hater" everyone feels comfortable in her room whether they are supposed to be in there or not! She'll take you in for who you are and you'll laugh until you are ready to go back to your real class... :) She is goofy and easily distracted but always attentive to the individual and always has a compliment to go along with the joke she may make about you.