Ridiculous Quotes from Fairview

Hey, please don't spit tobacco in the drinking fountain, thanks.

Haven't you ever played redneck golf??!!!

Goats eating Doritos, I'm telling you it is the most hilarious thing.

Sorry, I left my teeth upstairs.

I'm ANGRY!...
:) (laughing) Well, you sure are!

(from the pulpit at church) The big bang theory is crap. Anybody with any firecracker experience knows that when you blow somethin up, it ain't round.

I remember when this branch was first started, and we met under the big oak tree. :)

Look at how red your face is!
Well yeah, I just rode my bike five miles in the heat!
Well, you weren't out pickin blackberries, cause they're not out yet.
... Well, you weren't in India riding elephants, that's for sure....
I don't want to touch sandpaper.
I like the wiz.
I bite mom.

Hey you wanna go to the carnival?
No, I'm allergic to carnivals.
That's okay, the guys that run it are all on parole anyway.

Girls, girls, your both pretty, can we go save the tadpoles now?

Hey Cini! I got another tadpole!
Oh good, is it in our kitchen too?
Yep!
greeaaaaat.

I'd like to introduce you to the missionaries, Elder Standing and Elder Stradling. (not a joke. That's really their last names, serving together in my branch. I crack up during the prayer every time we pray for them.)

Did you want Monkey Butt Powder or something else?

What was your favorite day of school this year?
Umm.... (real excited 8 year old) remember that time I got my foot hurt and I told you I'd never come back...? That was the best days.

Kay, I wanna tell this story, so you people, don't interrupt. So one day -
MOO!!! ... interrupting cow.

No that's not what I said.
No you said!
No YOU said...
No but then I said.
No I said...
No -
MOOOOOOOOO!

That's more confusing than a basket full of Ferris Wheels!

Well, I didn't think I'd find you till I saw your feet stickin out, the whole thing shakin from your laughin, and Lacey right above your head about to pounce on you... then it was pretty easy.

Oh, Cini. Be glad you have some slippers on right now.
Why?
Because at least you aren't aware of all the nighttime things you're stepping on... like that big slug back there...

We're G(l/r)owing mustaches!
Well I have a beard and a unibrow, take that!
:( Oh, we can't compete with that.

Anything exciting?
I saved some tadpoles, they're in the kitchen.
Oh, well if you're interested in frogs, I'm going to visit _____ tomorrow...