AND I Know

I don't really feel good. I really don't feel good. I'm having a hard time.

AND

I know I have a Father in Heaven. I know He doesn't JUST know me, He's knows every inch of my soul. He knows just what will touch me in just the right way. He loves me. Every inch of me. When I don't feel good, He loves me. When I'm having a hard time, He loves me. When I make fall-ka-bobs in the joy of the season, He loves me. When I'm blind, He loves me. When I see, He loves me. He has big plans for me to help His other kids, even though to say that I feel inadequate is SO an understatement. He believes in me. He forgives me. Even when I don't believe in me. Even when I don't know how to forgive me.

He knows who will hold my hand for Him when He can't. And who will listen even when she's hurting and tired, too. And He loves that person and is proud of her. I know He loves her. A lot. Like really a lot. Like more than I can love her... which is really really a lot lot.

He causes the right people to be on the other end of the phone, even when the odds were not in favor of that situation happening. He knows my deep guiding stories and fascination with dream catchers. He knows Karina used to make fun of me for sleeping with my head at the foot of my bed after too many nights of unsuccessful sleep the other way. He knows that means something special to me. He inspires the right person with that knowledge somehow, in order to make it clear to me, that He knows. He inspires this person to let me know that He thinks those things are special too.

He knows just what I needed Him to tell me. He knew who could say it in a way that resonates with me. He knew to whom I was looking for His voice to travel through. He was okay with that. He got specific.

I know He WASN'T talking JUST to me, but to many, especially some others who are on my mind and might have needed that message too.

AND

I know that He WAS talking JUST to me.

God is All for the One. I know that one is me. AND He is One for ALL. Each and every ONE. One at a time he cares for them. All at once.

I know that He loves me. He has not forsaken me. Even though I do not feel better, I can hope. I still feel in the dark and alone, I can still hope. Even in hopelessness, I know that hope exists, I can still hope.

I know that He loves me. He says He's right here by my side. I do not feel it. AND - I know He is.

I do not feel that I am helping anyone. I feel like I am only taking. I feel not good enough.

AND

I know He created me better than that. I know to someone like me, I can be that one person who can hold their hand when He cannot. I know that through Jesus Christ, I can be good enough.

I do not see it. I do not feel it. I do not understand it. I cannot hold it. I can barely find words.

AND

I Know.