Fun For Fun's Sake and Clay Angst

Today was a pretty great day. First I went to my grandma's. Sadly, I haven't been in a few weeks because I didn't want to bother people for rides and the car won't start and I'm too cold to walk down there. Slacker. But I bothered my aunt today to take me. When I got there, my awesome brother was tuning her piano... isn't he so cool? He has all the cool gadgets and everything. It was fun as he played different pieces and we found the keys that needed some work. Yikes! Then he took me to Costco and bought me food... I was clean out. Creamery stinks as far as healthy or fresh food goes... It was a lot of fun! We just laughed a lot and quoted things and I talked to and joked with stangers and he pretended not to know me. ;) I miss the south when you could just do that and no one thought you wierd... nah, this is fun, too.

He took me back to grandma's so I could finish my laundry. Oh. My. Pinapple... I hadn't done laundry since I was last at grandma's. Holy Smokes. It took several loads and I bet I wore everything twice. Don't you "ew" at me because each one of you has worn your pants at least a couple of times before washing them... I was also reading for one of my psych classes. 130 pages of philosophy and psychological biographies, theory history and evolution, and theoretical orientation. Love it. But its an awful lot for one weekend assigned on thurs. due on mon. not my only class ya know... and it's super deep reading. Sigh.... reminds me of Dory, "just keep skimming just keep skimming, skimming, skimming... what do we do? We skim! "

My friend graciously came to pick me and my stranded, but clean, clothes up from my grandma's. I gave her ice cream in return. Then she invited me to play sardines in one of the large buildings on campus. I was tired and surprised when my mouth blurted out, "sure!" Then, as I sat hunched behind a grand piano in a conference room in the dark and our numbers accumulated, I realized, I have forgotten what fun was. I am always trying to learn and think so much that the idea of games, unless it is to distract from certain uncomfortable thoughts, is rather meaningless to me. "Why?" I usually think. Well I got a slight glimpse of why tonight. It was for the sake of fun, which, no matter how I try to argue it, is still a worthy end, I have concluded. I have a long way to go. But I ought to start having fun for funs sake, and stop trying to find a point. The point is, we can, and it's fun, and it's fun to be with other people who are having fun. That point is sharp enough to write with.


Note from yesterday:

 Someone stole my pot in my ceramics class and glazed a quarter of it poop brown bubbly flat glaze it wasn't even finished or done well or with nice glaze. It's ruined. And I was supposed to get graded on it. Dear person, What were you thinking!!!!????!!!??!!?!?!?!? Seriously?! So I have to start over. She gave me a log of free clay... thanks...

Also, I've been pretty up tight and easily irritated recently. What my old roommate, Allidor would call "angsty." I may or may not have taken it out on an annoying freshman girl in my ceramics class on my table. She seems to be one of them that has done it all before. You know the type. They've done it bigger and better than anyone else already. Their dad does this or that and that and so they know all there is to know about every topic you bring up... Well, I got sick of it and kind of exploded. Now, I'm not proud that I exploded on some freshman girl who's just trying to find herself, just trying to prove to herself and others that she's worth getting to know... as I crush all those ideas with judgmental perceptions of my own... but this was funny so I had to share it.

Me: Hey, doesn't it just bug the crap out of you when people always seem to have to one-up you on everything? Like when they interupt you and tell you how their story is bigger and better?

Freshman girl: Oh... YEAH!!! There is this one guy in my writing class that is the absolute WORST! Seriously, you have no idea... etc.... and on she went about how her experience with this guy was so absolutely terrible for her.

So, in the middle of her ironically bigger and better story, I never looked at her and just moved to another table - Half almost beside myself with laughter that she didn't even catch on or take my hint, half almost beside myself with anger and frustration. Her clay whatever she was working on was about to become a pancake. Thought that was funny. I don't let myself get mad often, usually it just turns into sad. So I thought it good to record this rare encounter with that color on the spectrum of human emotions.